Mindful Silence 

This Lenten season my focus has been towards my awareness of the words that come out of my mouth. I wanted to be mindful of how I use language with others in my life. I wanted to spend time exploring the actual words that I use and how they impact my relationships.

I call it mindful silence.

When am I talking when I should be silent? When do I interrupt so that I can talk about myself? Are the words that I am using building up my relationships or tearing them down? Am I fully present and open to the dialogue or do I allow my mind to wonder or start thinking of my response before they have even finished?

What I am realizing is that I talk WAY too much. I am catching myself wanting to say things that are ‘throw away’ comments — comments that do not benefit the conversation. I have also discovered that I have a strong need to ‘match’ conversations — if someone tells me they have a minivan, I tell them that I have a minivan, if they say they’ve been to a certain country, I tell them where I have been, if they tell me their favorite color is purple, I make sure they know it is also my favorite color.

I think that relating to someone’s story can be important. It can create a common experience that often unites us; however, I am noticing that I do it all the time. With this awareness, I am now practicing being more mindful of when it is best served to share a common experience with someone and when it is better that I allow someone to tell me their story without me taking the story and making it about me or what I think they should do. I am finding that people are more willing to continue their story, go deeper, become more vulnerable — when I just listen.

This is most evident in my relationship with my husband and children. I am hearing out my husband differently. I am allowing him to finish his entire sentence before cutting him off with my own thoughts. I am allowing my children to tell me more details without telling them to get to the point. This has unfolded into incredible self-awareness for our children. There have been several conversations where I have experienced them problem solve something in their life — all on their own — just by keeping my mouth shut and allowing them to talk without interruption.

Mindful silence has helped me to take a step back to see where my words are not fruitful, it has also allowed me to experience others in a gentler manner. It has allowed me to hear God more clearly and because I can hear God more clearly, I feel like I am able to contribute to dialogue in a more meaningful and positive way. Mindful silence is changing my relationships and I love what I am learning about myself and others.